The Bruce Report

They would have you perceive them as white knights, and their enemies as bottom-feeding methane-belchers. They would promise to protect you from the odor of abject failure if only you would support their clean, mean, fighting machines. But, should you, even for a moment, trust their political opponents with Canada’s fragile future, they will regale you with woeful tales of impending decay and pestilence in the (formerly) Great White North.

 

Yes, boys and girls, the sun is low, the wind is high, and the stench from too many spin doctors, hastily recalled from their summer outhouses, is wafting in from the nation’s capital once again. And you know what that means: It’s election time, and already the excrement-laced mud is being fully slinged.

 

Apparently convinced that the apparatus of Government – a government over which the Tories have presided for two miserable years – is irretrievably contaminated, Captain Control (A.K.A The Right Honourable Prime Minister Stephen Harper) wants a general turnout this fall to swab the deck of the ship of state. There’s been too much debate, too many impertinent questions, too few examples of opposition members kissing Conservative butt for his liking.

 

Now comes Captain Kyoto (A.K.A. the Honourable Stephane Dion, Leader of the Liberal Partry) to protest that it’s not his job to bring down a sitting government, but rather his sole responsibility is to save the planet with an environmental policy that will, of course, do nothing of the sort. Still, you may admire his moxie as he turns a carbon tax into the kind of brimstone that sends voters screaming for fresh air into the high mountains and onto the low prairies.

 

Honestly, do these guys really think that the rest of us are so sensory-deprived that we can’t detect the whiff of bullshit even when they shove it in our faces?

 

Harper’s whining about the dysfunction of his administration is entirely disingenuous if only because he, alone, caused the problem. Over the past 24 months, he and his unapologetically right-wing slaves in Parliament have mocked the committee system, undermined the judiciary, coerced the RCMP, and eluded all legitimate opportunities to explain to Canadians why their financing policies during the last election were not, in fact, illegal. Now, astonishingly, Government doesn’t work.

 

Meanwhile, Dion’s putative preoccupation with green-shifting the nation into a state of environmental stewardship belies the real purposes and back room talents of a man who prevailed over much more seasoned political animals than he at the last Liberal Leadership Convention. He’s counting on Harper winning another minority, the national press eviscerating the Tories for their failure to provoke a “blue-shift”, and the slow-motion building of majority support for traditional Liberal values.

 

The truth is that in this emerging election season politics, not values, drive this particularly odious crew of Ottawa-bound politicos. That’s not news, but it is revealing when you consider that one supposedly distinctive policy platform reads very much like the other. The Tories have their “Stand up for Canada” campaign. The Grits have their “Investing in a Stronger Canada” program. Harper wants you to realize that he is “presenting a clear choice for Canadians.” Dion wants you to know that he offers “options, opportunities, and growth.”

 

On the economy, the Liberals say: “A truly innovative country is one driven by ideas, invention and technologies, one which leads the way in how it produces goods and delivers them to global markets.” The Conservatives say: “Increased promotion of basic and applied research, especially in science and technology, is an essential component of Canada’s future economic well-being.”

 

On health care, the Liberals say: “Our national health care system is a legacy. We will ensure that it continues to be there when Canadians need it, no matter where they live, and no matter what their income.” The Conservatives say: “We are committed to ensuring that all Canadians have access to timely, quality health care services regardless of their ability to pay.”

 

Now consider that earlier this year, the federal government announced a $500-million deficit for the first time in years. That compared with a $2.8 billion surplus just 12 months before. Since assuming office, the Conservative minority has spent tens of billions of dollars through two of the richest, pork-filled budgets in the nation’s history. Much of this largess has been destined for “strategic initiatives” in oil-rich Alberta and swing-vote Quebec.

 

In contrast, Ontario’s manufacturing sector has been allowed to wither; per capita spending in the Atlantic provinces has actually dropped; and investment in municipal infrastructure across the country has all but evaporated, as has support for innovative, university-based research and development, and arts and culture. Throughout, the Loyal Opposition has been otherwise occupied with their assortment of inconvenient truths.

 

Who, then, are the white knights? Who are the bottom feeders? Who saves the Canadian government? Who saves the planet? Are they Liberals, Conservatives, Grits, Tories, Greens, NDPs, Rhinos, Libertarians, Socialists, Communists, Fascists?

Or are they you, finally weary of the stench of politics, broken promises, and the lies your leaders told you.

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