The Bruce Report

When senior executives at New Brunswick’s power utility huddled last month to draft a note of support for their boss what, I wonder, was the editing process?

 

“Dearest David”. . .No, that seems a bit. . .well, familiar.

 

“Sir, it has come to our attention”. . .No, that reads like a form letter.

 

“Dear Mr. Hay, we wish to compliment you on your five years of stellar public service; five years that have brought the company some of its proudest moments”. . .Ah, now we’re onto to something.

 

Just replace the “Dear Mr. Hay” part with something like “Dear Avatar of all things great, mighty, just, and holy”, and we’ve got ourselves a rump-snuggling kiss-up, the likes of which the world has rarely seen.

 

Naturally, I’m joking about the missive’s widely reported contents. But, as revealed by the Saint John Telegraph-Journal over the weekend, its purpose seemed obvious: “Sharon MacFarlane, NB Power’s CFO and vice-president of finance. . .said it was intended to revive the spirits of utility head David Hay, whom she claims has been the victim of ‘unwarranted’ media attacks.”

 

Indeed, Mother Theresa. . .I mean, Ms. MacFarlane. . .elaborated: “He’s been through some very unfair criticism in the last while and we were concerned about it. We felt we needed to demonstrate our support for him in some way.”

 

And why not? After all, who hasn’t curried favour, from time to time, with the big man (or woman) in the corner office? The real question is: Why does a goofy corporate valentine deserve 10 column inches of text above the fold on the front page of New Brunswick’s self-styled “provincial” newspaper?

 

Explains the T-J’s excellent reporter Quentin Casey: “The letter sparked a controversy on Thursday after it was anonymously leaked to media outlets. An accompanying note said NB Power employees [or, at least, a few of the 800 who dutifully inscribed their John Hancocks on the finished manuscript] were ‘pretty much coerced’ into signing the Jan. 26 document.”

 

In other words, someone was just not feeling the love.

 

And that’s a shame, because I happen to believe that Mr. Hay deserves a pat on the back for the hard work he has done, and for the trials and tribulations he has endured, over the past several years. Then again, I don’t work for him; and if I did, I wouldn’t want to be asked to drink the corporate Kool-Aid if I preferred a stiff shot of rum.

 

Still, if this weird little controversy demonstrates anything, it reveals that those who achieve the highest offices in the biggest companies are often the worst practitioners of what human resources pros like to call “internal communications”.

 

In fact, the rules of “Butt-Smooching 101” are pretty simple.

 

First, when faced with a delicious opportunity to draw attention to your eternal approbation of the individual who just happens to sign your pay-cheque, it’s best to keep it to yourself. What’s the point of involving others, when you can feather your nest so much more efficiently by pretending that you, and you alone, are in the boss’s corner?

 

Second, if you must divulge your plans, choose your allies carefully. Above all, ensure that your confederates stand to gain more by pooling their devotional sentiments, than by flying off in their own idiosyncratic directions. One sickeningly sweet, well-crafted letter signed by six people is much more persuasive than half-a-dozen hastily composed emails that begin, “Hey man, you’re the best manager I ever, ever, ever had.”

 

Finally, never assume your subordinates feel the same way as you about your beloved leader. The corporate world isn’t summer camp. Someone always has a gripe or grievance. Someone’s always ready to suck the air out the helium balloon before streaking naked through the executive washroom, singing the Cuban national anthem in a Mickey Mouse falsetto.

 

But for NB Power’s corporate elites, perhaps the best approach in the future is to worry less about David Hay’s feelings, and more about the progress of a utility that faces a major deficit, an angry public, and a stalled nuclear development program.

Mr. Hay can look after himself. And after this ridiculous, distracting, slightly embarrassing incident, it wouldn’t surprise me if the man stamped the next unsolicited letter of appreciation, “return to sender”.

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