In my effort to avoid perceiving the world through rose-tinted glasses (especially now, a week after Valentine’s Day), I continue to marvel how a “holiday” that celebrates love, but is named for a martyred Christian, sticks to the zeitgeist like cheap perfume.
Was there ever a more cloying excuse to make a thorough ass of oneself.
Okay, I grant you, St. Patrick’s Day comes close, but at least that occasion makes more apt use of the famous quip by American poet Ogden Nash: “Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.” (The famous wordsmith also offered the best advice ever conceived to Valentine-besotted sweethearts: “To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the loving cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.”)
Perhaps it’s the time of year, when the wind whips down from the North Pole to freeze our feet of clay. We need a. . .let’s call it. . .“pick-me-up” to remind us that spring – when a young man’s fancy truly turns to thoughts of love – is just around the corner.
More likely, though, it’s a global conspiracy, manufactured by greeting card companies and their willing dupes in the mass and social media, to separate us from our pocket change before we notice that the chocolates we obtained for our significant others actually taste like boiled cabbage.
And when I say “global conspiracy”, I mean it. Check out this report from Associated Press:
“Iraq’s capital is embracing Valentine’s Day this year with a huge public display of affection in what its residents say is the nation’s most amorous celebration of the holiday ever. . .After decades of war and dictator rule, and with improving security, Iraqis say that are able to relax and enjoy. . .Others believe the recent burst of text messages, mobile phones and use of the Internet among Iraqi youth has helped foster romance.”
It’s a phenomenon one might properly term an “Arab Spring-In-Their-Step” which is also tracking in that unlikeliest of hedonistic nations, Iran.
“Although the ruling clerics and hardline politicians have been waging a campaign against what they call ‘decadent’ cultural imports,” says the AFP news service, “the Christian day dedicated to amorous displays has so far survived. Part of the reason could be the sheer number of young adults in the country: 60 percent of the 75-million-strong population is under the age of 30.”
In fact, I begrudge these displays – coming as they do from benighted circumstances – less than I do the more familiar groaners dutifully retailed in the west to substantiate the day and its surrounding weeks with actual meaning.
“Why, exactly, do we put up with it every year?” the Globe and Mail asks in an editorial. “The bottom line is, few people have ever been unhappy to be told, ‘I love you,’ by the one they love.”
No kidding, Sherlock. But wait, there’s more:
“It is genuinely difficult for even the most clear-eyed and unromantic person not to acknowledge – and even benefit from – Valentine’s Day. This occurs either through a collaborative disdain for a day that reaffirms a couple’s values and, hence, their bond, or via the more usual route of love notes, fancy dinners and other gifts exchanged in the spirit of the day, with or without a knowing wink.”
Collaborative disdain? Spirit of the day?
Leave it to the good, gray Globe to reclassify sentimental hogwash as social utilitarianism. Then again, it assures us, “There are worse things that can happen to us in February.”
Indeed, there are. There is, for example, the $26 billion settlement U.S. mortgage lenders agreed, earlier this month, to pay a million American homeowners they ripped off during the financial meltdown – homeowners that should have receive, if life were fair, about ten times that amount.
The industry licked its chops and called its “generosity” an early valentine, because nothing says “I love you” like a check for two-grand when your bank wants 20.
Perhaps, an American economist was on to something, after all, when he anonymously posted this devotional in the Twitterverse last Friday:
“My love is elastic, my commitment too big to fail.”
Alec Bruce is a Moncton-based writer on politics, economics and current affairs. Check out his other blog here at Atlantic Business Magazine (ABMOnline): The Uneasy Chair.